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Archive for the ‘Living Yoga’ Category

Recognition…

Posted in Life, Living Yoga on April 14, 2013 | 2 Comments »

My Dad’s momma is right now entering the last leg of a very long journey here on Earth. She is the last of my grandparents. She is amongst so many loved ones and is just patiently waiting to depart. I am sad. Sadder than I thought I would be, expecting this journey for her to end fairly soon. I think I am sad due to seeing someone pass, who created sooo much. A matriarch whom would never ever use that term.

She is the mother of 12 kids that are 15 years apart. 40 or so grandkids, I lose count, and many many great grandkids. She quietly and with never a complaint ran a huge dairy farm household in Western NY, which also included looking after the hands that worked there as well. She also had a huge hand in raising several of her grandchildren.

She is devoutly Catholic and to me epitomizes what it is to be religious. She LIVES it in every breath and sees it in every aspect of her life. She passes as much good will on as she has been capable of, but never judges others for their beliefs or pushes her own beliefs onto others. Her religion is hers, it directs and permeates all aspects of her life, and that is as far as she has ever needed to take it.

A loving, quiet, patient woman. Never a complaint. Never a raised voice. Some of her first children may disagree, but that has been my observation.

I write this because it is bringing to my mind how many people get recognized for their life or their deeds and how many do not. She would never deem her life worthy of recognition. She never did anything intending or hoping for any recognition. She certainly wouldn’t be interested if it came her way.

Looking at the scope of her life and all the humans she has created, raised, assisted, or inspired is astounding. It just makes me ask the questions… Who are you recognizing for their deeds, life choices, and priorities? Do they deserve the attention? Who is not getting the respect and attention?
The folks that this world truly benefits from are often the ones you never hear of and most of them would want it that way.

On this day, I am giving my thoughts to those that go quietly unrecognized and live amazing lives. Those that make the world a better place. Those that the world will miss when we lose them. All my love to my Grandma Borer, her children, and friends. Although I cannot be there with you, I am HERE with you.

Today I am also deciding to not play my gig tonight. I am choosing to be with my close little family and take advantage of this moment. -m

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A Savasana Remembered

Posted in Being A Student, Life, Living Yoga, tagged , , , , on November 13, 2010 | 7 Comments »

Lying down, I exhale, and there is complete release. The work, the practice, the pranayama, swiftly fade into history. I can hear and feel my breathing and heart rate slowly begin to return to normal. With eyes closed I exhale again and search my supine body for any areas of tension that can be discovered and released. The practice fades away. The room and spacial awareness fades away. With eyes closed and physical body so relaxed that it becomes momentarily irrelevant, I begin to see. The darkness against my forehead gives way to a gentle and calming gray light. I am in a boundless yet comfortable space. There are no walls, ceilings, or floor, yet I feel very safe and very grounded. I am standing and looking out into this gray space. Before me and at a small distance, as if a mist is slowly dissipating, I begin to perceive a vast crowd of people. I recognize them, every face. They are every person in my life from past or present; parents, friends, sibling, and even grandparents I have only known through stories. Dead or alive they are all there, smiling, and calmly observing me. From this gray haze of comforting smiles, one person steps forward. It is my friend and former band mate Collin Watson.

Collin passed away years ago in a car accident in which I was the driver. Taking his seat belt off to sleep in the passenger seat, he was thrown from the car as it flipped front to back several times before resting. Exhausted and trying to drive back to D.C. to work in the morning, I nodded off just long enough to lose control of the car…

I awake to silence. I am gripping the steering wheel unbelievably tightly. Little makes sense. I don’t even recognize that the car is on its side. I look to the passenger seat and it is empty. This makes no sense. I exit the car by crawling out of the hole where the sun roof used to be. The SUV is resting on the drivers side and there is very little left of it, except for a miraculous space about the size of my body. I step onto the grass and it is an oddly pleasant evening. It is about 4AM and there is little other traffic and a beautiful and surreal covering of mist and dew on the finely cut highway grass of I95 Northbound. Calling Collin’s name out at the top of my lungs, I cannot grasp in the least of where he could be. Dazedly wandering across the expanse of dewy grass, I eventually do find him. Nothing makes sense. It can’t be him. It can’t be anyone. There is too much blood and his limbs are at angles that are impossible for my already shocked head to make any sense of reality out of. I bend down to try and help. I feel almost out of my own body. I feel as if I am 30 feet above and watching the situation unfold. It is too harsh and violent to be completely present with. I can feel my brain receding and guarding me from the present. There is no me. There is only Collin, quiet on his back, and staring to the stars as several last breaths pass his lips like hiccups. I hold his head and am telling him to relax… it will be ok.

This seemed like hours, but was actually minutes. A car traveling behind us saw the accident happen and dialed 911. The first time I am aware of anything and the first memory that came back to me was of standing next to Collin in the grass, watching the red and blue lights play across that wet grass. Someone walked me to an ambulance, where I sat and received treatment for the few scratches that I had incurred. Collin was gone. It got super cold as I went into shock and began to shiver uncontrollably. My body and brain were numb. There was nothing in me but an observer. Yet, amongst the haze there was a shard of amazingly singular clarity. A voice. Me, telling the observer that a decision had to be made. “This will create you or kill you.” I immediately knew that this experience before me would either be the biggest learning tool and leap forward in consciousness OR would become something that destroys me. Something that I take with me the rest of my life and use it in the best or worst ways possible. It had already happened. Collin was gone. There was a decision to make.
I believe less than two weeks later we played a gig. Everyone wanted to cancel, but I knew I had to play. Those weeks were filled with family, friends, and fans giving me more support than I could have ever imagined. People I barely knew showing up on the doorstep with kind words, flowers, and cookies. If I didn’t play then, I felt I might never get back to it. I cried for almost every second of that gig in Fairfax. I kept getting odd sensations of Collin being on stage, of Collin sitting next to me as I played telling me it was ok, juxtaposed with the reality of him being gone and replaced with a sub. I can only imagine that it was the toughest subbing gig imaginable.

Months later, in an Ashtanga class in Georgetown, I had the most amazing Savasana of my lifetime.

Dead or alive they are all there, smiling, and calmly observing me. From this gray haze of comforting smiles, one person steps forward. It is my friend and former band mate Collin Watson. He approaches me with a big smile. I am unsure of what is to happen next. We are face to face and inches apart. I smile back. There is an overwhelming sense of understanding between us. So much so, that no words are never exchanged. They would be of no use here. He reaches out and we hold a long and warm embrace. The detail is amazing. I can feel his beard against my cheek and his black dreads come to rest on my shoulder. After a moment we step away from each other and I am holding him at his waist. He feels so light. I lift him up and gently let him go. He smiles again as he slowly floats upward and fades away. With a lighter heart and eyes full of tears of gratitude, joy, and love, I again look to the crowd standing in front of me. Smiling at each other, I know I will be back to this space. I know someone new will step forward. We will smile, embrace, enjoy the silence of love, understanding and forgiveness and then I will let them go.

**As a brief side note. I have always wanted to write about this experience and the yoga related release/epiphany that followed. It took weeks/months/years to remember details about the accident. At first there was a big blank spot. Much of it I heard for the first time through police reports and others folks. To this day many of the details are very fuzzy whilst some things are crystal clear. Much of it I still keep to myself. It took a long time to drive again and I am still never that comfortable driving at night. I thought the dreams and sleepless nights would never end, but they eventually faded. For years I awoke every day with this experience being my first thought. I wanted to remember it constantly. I wanted so dearly to make it worth going through for the both of us. What could I do today to honor that experience and his memory? My life changed drastically. I still think about it fairly often and hope I am living up to the person Collin would have been proud of. It is less of a weight now, and more of an inspiration. Through tragedy we can gain so much understanding, for the only other option is to let it destroy and weaken us.

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Dharma (Truth): What is yours and why?

Posted in Living Yoga, tagged , , on August 15, 2010 | Leave a Comment »

‎”The proper teaching is recognized with ease. You can know it without fail because it awakens within you that sensation which tells you, this is something you have always known.” -Frank Herbert in the DUNE Appendices

My Personal Translation – Your religion, your spirituality, and that which inspires and elates you should not be a struggle or battle. It should be something that makes sense, is believable, functional, and based in something you truly know without fail is the truth. Strip away the dogma, the ceremony, the tradition, and uncover the reason it feels right. Is it right because its what you have been told? OR Is it right because it is what you have always known to be true.

Does what you believe/feel elate you due to its condemnation of what is considered inappropriate? i.e rising above by stuffing others down. OR Does what you believe/feel elate you due to its overwhelming brilliance and its natural inclination to bring everyone up to the same elated state of consciousness?

fellow friend/teacher Jen Wooten Translation -” ‘Guru’ means one who helps elevate us from the darkness to the light. I’ve had many teachers who have taught me things I didn’t know – from trigonometry to headstand, but my true teachers are the ones who have helped shine the light on the things I’ve always known. A true teacher helps remove the shroud of darkness (and boy have I had a lot of it) to reveal the light, love and freedom that has always been there underneath. “

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This Yoga Thing DOES Seem To Be Working

Posted in Being A Student, Life, Living Yoga, Yoga Theory, tagged , , , , on June 26, 2010 | 2 Comments »

My reasons for practicing and studying the philosophies of Yoga, Vedanta, and Buddhism have constantly changed bit by bit over the past 13 years or so. The basic trend seems to be from the micro to the macro. Micro – initially working on all the tiny approachable self fixes in hopes of constantly evolving (or devolving) into (or back to) the best version of me I can unearth. Macro – As I become more refined and find more inner strength, I can then begin to become the most useful to both my immediate environment and eventually a broader and broader environment. More and more I am associating WHAT I am trying to become and HOW I am trying to be in this world with the Mahayana definition of Bodhisattva. Now, by no means am I calling myself one, but it is my ultimate goal to pursue this particular ideal. A couple of quick definitions…

Bodhisattva
-person whom has attained a certain level of enlightenment, has found nirvana (freedom from existence/reincarnation) who postpones it to return and help others.

-“For as long as space endures
And for as long as living beings remain,
Until then may I too abide
To dispel the misery of the world.” -Santideva

- …the bodhisattva as a person who already has a considerable degree of enlightenment and seeks to use their wisdom to help other sentient beings to become liberated.

As I said earlier, this was not my initial intention. I just wanted to start out with the ego based micro fixes, i.e. asana based practice with goals of flexibility, strength, relaxation, and well, ego. I loved becoming great at the poses and looking great in them. I loved what the yoga was doing to my body and still do. Something however started to change over the years. The asana benefits just seemed a bit hollow in comparison to the mental and emotional benefits I was starting to notice. This led me to delve much deeper into history and philosophy of not only hatha yoga, but down into its roots of Vedanta as well as Buddhism. Moving from the micro/the self to the macro; the global spiritual betterment of us all. This is something I try to work on in every breath of every day. Practicing, preparing, getting better. I want to be effective. I want to be powerful. I want to be happy and utterly satisfied. Then I try to design my physical existence around these fundamental concepts.

Recently I found myself again face to face with death and dying, and it is the inspiration for all that I am presently babbling about here. Whilst horseback riding on a beach in Santa Barbara, a group of us came upon a woman yelling and waving by the water. To make a long story short, we pulled a dead 64 year old man out of the water, I administered CPR, and a minute later he began breathing again. I recently got a very much awaited call that he is basically ok! One huge aspect of this encounter that is sticking with me is how prepared and sure I felt in this situation. This is not a testament to me, but more to the training I have pursued in my life. A strange part of me hopes that I am there when bad things happen because I want to be there, helping, effective, powerful, making a positive difference when things may be at their bleakest.

The bodhisattva in me has come to relish hardship and challenge as the greatest learning experience in this lifetime and as eventually one of my main reasons for being here. I am studying the physical, spiritual, and emotional boundaries of my personal existence in an effort to become as useful to the world around me as possible in both the best and the worst of times. Even more oddly, part of me feels that if I had a choice of something bad happening to me or “you”, I would have it happen to me as I feel like I am not only prepared for it but willing to except it and use it to learn from. The bodhisattva concept really feels right to me personally and is a concept I draw a lot of strength and purpose from. The yoga asana practice has allowed me to practice trying to relax and focus in both the easiest and the hardest or least liked postures. Yoga is simply a controlled environment practice, that I am finding more and more everyday helps me to focus and relax in both the easiest and the hardest of times. This yoga stuff seems to be working!

The above is really more of a very personal mission statement to myself more than anything else. However, it does beg the question to us all… what is YOUR mission statement? Not just what you are trying to do this year, but what is your purpose for being here? What ripples can you leave when you are gone? Are you doing what you want to do? Are you acting/behaving the way you want? Its not about what we “deserve” (i hate that word) or what we have been handed. It is about what you envision and what you need to do to get there. Life is short and will most likely be shorter than we expect. There is a great buddhist concept that I find as more of an inspiration than defeatist or morbid. House on Fire – Many of us will go through life concerned only with material things and immediate pleasures not realizing we are living in a house on fire. All our houses are going to burn down at some point. It is as if we all secretly believe we might be the only one to make it through without dying. Im going to die. It could happen in 5 minutes. I constantly ask myself, “If I died right now, would I have any regrets or things I wish I should have gotten to?” Personally I feel at present that the only thing I would miss is getting to share more time with my wife.

Make a list. Get the list done. Clear up anything with other people that weighs on you. The house is on fire and there should be some urgency to LIVE! Love and appreciate all of you out there! Have a great weekend!

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Living Yoga: Yoga As My Lifestyle

Posted in Living Yoga, tagged , , on June 3, 2010 | 1 Comment »

Another one from about two years ago that I recently unearthed!

The most important thing in my life is my yoga.
Under the yoga umbrella I include my relationships to everything from my wife, my cats, my family, rock climbing, kula, and environment to my study of yogic history, philosophy, teaching and practice. These things are all part of my daily practice. To be a yogi is a very powerful and personal LIFESTYLE for me that extends far beyond the confines of my sticky mat.
For me, being a yogi does not simply mean to practice asana, sometimes pranayama, and forget that there is a much larger philosophy at work. Injury, health, and a good workout are some of the elements that initially brought me to yoga, however it has come to mean much much more.
I am happy and excited for those that take the first step of attending a class for any reason! I attended my first class in 1998 at a studio in LA, taught by Brian Kest. I thought there was just
“yoga”…turns out there are different types, and my first class happened to be Ashtanga. Although forced to go by the friend I was visiting, it ended up being an experience I walked away from saying, “So that’s what I was looking for. I just didn’t know what IT was.” Since then I have tried many styles and many teachers, and yoga has grown into something that pervades every breath of every day.
Over the years my practice has also progressed to the point that my asana practice has become only a tiny part of the whole. So where has this brought me? I have become a full time yogi! Being a yogi is an ancient tradition that has always involved being a force for positive change, not only for your own spirit and body, but also for the world outside your skin. Yogis were the original tree huggers. They were fierce environmentalists far before our own time. In studying the relationships in my own life, I have truly come to believe that all things are connected; that karmic action does indeed exist on both a personal and universal level. I try to do everything I can to positively effect both my inner and outer worlds. Being a conscious and informed consumer has become an element at the forefront of this work. Being a conscious and informed being is something I have always striven for, and yoga has given me a framework for that action. Every breath of every day is another chance to change the world, both within and without, for the better.

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Living Yoga: This Yoga Doesn’t Seem To Be Working As I Expected

Posted in Living Yoga, tagged , , , on May 13, 2010 | 4 Comments »

Here is a piece I wrote a couple of years ago that I just unearthed!

My parents began practicing Hatha Yoga years ago. I suppose I talked about it so much that they figured there must be something to it! They’ve been practicing twice a week ever since. About two years into his practice, I asked my Dad how it was going. He said, “My back and body feel much better, but I am not sure if this yoga thing is really working.” I was astonished by the comment, and curious, so I asked him to elaborate. He said that, although he was physically feeling a better, he was getting more and more frustrated with daily living. “It’s just making me realize all the things I don’t like about my own behavior.” I was blown away! He had come to THE most important stage of a yogic journey beyond asana!

I liken it to step one of Alcoholics Anonymous, the admission and acceptance that I have a problem. We all do. We all have imperfections and behavior we’d like to change! At first it can seem daunting and even depressing, but a great power comes from this realization. In any given breath I can change who I want to be and how I want to be. The path to change begins with the recognition of what needs changing.

So how does this yoga thing work? How does an asana practice lead me to recognizing things about myself I need to change?

We can all look back at our yoga history and see how we got from just doing asana to sleeping better, walking better, feeling better, acting better, etc. I’ve seen students become entirely different human beings as they continued their practice. I have meditated a lot on the questions of why and how, and these are my thoughts so far:

To me, asana is a way of processing all the emotions and reactions of your daily life on a microscopic level in a safe environment. The beauty of it is that you may never even be aware of it! I believe that the ultimate result of an asana practice has nothing to do with physical ability. Don’t get me wrong, there are fantastic physical benefits to practicing yoga, plus it’s just plain fun to play with the body and get it to do fantastic things. But Eka Pada Sirsana is not about how great it is to get a leg behind the head. To me it’s all about how to be in a posture that is that challenging and possibly uncomfortable, and still be just as calm and relaxed as I would be in Savasana.

Each breath in each asana, I am forced to deal with dozens of emotions and reactions on a small and inconsequential scale. “I hate it. I love it. I’m bad at it. I’m great at it. That guy is great at it. Too slow. Too fast. It hurts, but I’ll do it anyway. I need to try harder. I’ll just sit here and hang out.” All of these classics and more coming soon to a brain near you!

This is where Ashtanga becomes a great method for moving beyond asana. We are learning to deal with all of that turmoil, not by ignoring it or sleepwalking, perpetuating what Buddhists call “conditioned existence,” but by peeling it away a bit at a time. Ujjayi breath, Dristi, and Bandhas are our tools to relax and focus during each asana. You can observe your thoughts and respond to the challenges of each posture. This is practice and this is hard! We constantly observe ourselves and make adjustments until the hardest asana is the most comfortable place to be. Constantly dealing with these thoughts and emotions is one of the most profound benefits we take from Ashtanga. In any challenging situation, just as in class, you can choose to plow through with abandon, or observe yourself and adjust.

My feeling is that from beyond our own skin, the world is out of our control. You will always stub your toe and it will hurt, there are things you will be good at and struggles, things you may never do, and so on. However, from the skin in you have the power to harness complete control. If we can breathe easily and smile with a leg behind our head, then we can also breathe easy and focus through ecstasy or tragedy. I love this idea, that from the skin in I can have a choice of who I want to be, how I will react to situations and interact with others. In any given breath I can choose who I want to be and how I want to be.

This is the power of yoga! To meet any situation with compassion, understanding, serenity, and efficacy. This evolution is happening during every breath of every asana, and you may not even notice! Enjoy your practice. Take it seriously and with humor. These are simply silly postures to play with, but the effects can be life changing.

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Living Yoga: Re-Cycling, Composting, and Consumerism (amongst other things)

Posted in Living Yoga, tagged , , , , , on April 3, 2010 | 6 Comments »

So I was recently chatting with a student about my day…

student:”what are you up to today?”
matt: “running errands. very exciting. composting, recycling, heading to the bank.”
student: giggling a bit “oh that is sooo MATT.”
me: a bit taken aback, thus time for thought and then write a blog piece that is very important to me and how i live my life daily.

Disclaimer: So right off the bat I want to say that this blog piece is more about responsibility than it is about tree hugging, liberal, progressive, hippie, feel good stuff or whatever more conservative folks like to call it. This has nothing to do with religion, politics, or any other volatile subject. Although I am greatly disappointed in humans that are not responsible for their own actions involving recycling and consumerism, I am not judging anyone. This is meant to be as informative as possible; for I remember in my not too recent past taking much less responsibility for my own behavior in these regards as well.

I used to smoke. I used to buy whatever I wanted with no regard to where it came from or how it got here. I used to throw anything and everything in the trash. I used to think very little of the quality of food going into me. It was all about what was convenient and what I wanted. Total unawareness and lack of any responsibility. Now looking back on it I cant imagine how I did any of that without any kind of conscience.

When a student recently said to me that is “sooo Matt”, it made me pause. Sometimes it is easy to forget that other people are not behaving the same as you. That statement in itself is a lot to think about on many levels. However, shouldnt her statement be something like… “that is sooo human of you to take care of yourself and the world you live in.”

My first thought on this subject is: Why Do Adults Get A Pass?
We tell children to pick up after themselves; to care for their animals or other peoples posessions/property; to behave a particular way in social situations; to BE RESPONSIBLE for everything they do. Does this no longer apply at a certain age? Does this only apply to toys and kid stuff? Why would i NOT recycle? It is being responsible for the things I have bought and consumed. Why would I not compost?

I admit it is hard to compost and recycle in my tiny apartment, but this is not a question of what is easier. It has taken me a while to learn the best and easiest system. To learn what is best to buy due to both the trash a product will create and and how a company making a product behave does take a little bit of work, but there are endless resources out there AND I live in Austin TX! Austin is a great town to find stores selling healthy all around products. This can also be done without a ton of extra spending for fancy products.

For the religiously inclined or the socially conservative that think that how you behave as a consumer is irrelevant, reread the Bible and then read a fantastic book by Matthew Scully called DOMINION. He is a former Bush speech writer and social conservative with a great take based on religion, of what it means to be a steward of your own environment.

For the yogis, study your Yama and Niyama intricately.
Suggestion for Daily Living

Composting:
I went to target and bought a small 2 gallon size sealable container that now sits on my countertop. I fill it with compost and take it to a friends compost pile every 1.5 weeks. The benefit is that my trash NEVER smells or gets bugs AND my friend gets more compost.
Some folks put compost in a bag in the freezer to keep it from rotting/smelling at all.
I buy only compostable plastic cups, plates, and cutlery for parties and picnics.
To create your own composting pile just look around on the internet briefly. SO many resources to be found.

Recycling: I try to buy only items that come in recyclable packaging if I must get packaging at all.
NOTE: #1 and #2 recycle. #3-#7 get either shipped to Asia to recycle which negates the benefit OR they get pelletized with the addition of sawdust and used for fuel… yuck.
Ecology Action here in Austin takes paper, cardboard, plastic bags, plastics, glass, tin, and aluminum.

Since everything that I consume can be composted or recycled, I throw trash out bi-monthly at the most right now.

Consumerism:
Buy local if at all possible. It supports local economy, lessens shipping and gas usage, and you know where it is coming from!
Buy bulk when possible. This means less spending and less packaging!
Bring your own canvas bags and reuse plastic bags for bulk items. ALSO – clean and reuse zip-lock bags and plastic containers at home. ELIMINATE ONE TIME USE ITEMS. When you get chinese food delivered; the usage time of that little pagoda container is a couple hours max, HOWEVER it will get tossed into a plastic bag and then into a landfill and last thousands of years. What a waste. Get the most usage out of everything before you are done with it.
Knowing the ethics of a business that is producing a product takes the most work out of all of it. Just a bit of research involved. I try not to buy from enormous companies i.e. Nestle and Kellog. Often now though they disguise their products as smaller companies to sell to those of us looking for organic labeling. For example; Seeds Of Change is a popular “hippie” brand that is made by Nestle.

For further info read: World Changing: A Users Guide to the 21st Century.

It is your responsibility as an adult human to pick up after yourself. Awareness of what you are doing in your everyday life is an enormous step closer to enlightenment. Being aware of everything you are doing, creating, using, and ingesting is a powerful tool to becoming a better human being. Mental Image: I have this image of Christ, Buddha, Gandhi or any other revered figures sitting there and watching the entire massive scale process of animals getting abused, painfully slaughtered, covered in preservatives, packaged in plastic and styrafoam, and then sitting down and opening the package, eating it happily, and finally digging a hole to throw all the packing into. Wiping the grease off their hands they go to a small hill and begin preaching how to treat ourselves and the world around us. I just dont see it. EVOLVE people. I would think this would be a primary concern to those that are religious and those that are parents. What are you leaving behind? What will have meaning after death?: Inspiration, radiance, compassion, love, and earth for others to enjoy OR fame, fortune, selfishness, cruelty, irresponsibility etc.

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