Autopsis: Seeing For One's Self

In addition (after re-reading my last post), I want to add that my folks did a fantastic job of it. My point in using them as an example was that when we are IN IT as kids, we have such a different perspective. When we are IN IT as parents we have such a different perspective. Eventually our places in life and with each other change and we have a chance to either look back on things with understanding and comprehension or misunderstanding and a somewhat self centered point of view. Right NOW being the new normal does not mean forgetting about the past. It means having an understanding that everything has,is, or will change and being okay with it and letting it go. Thanks mom and dad for everything you have done and continue to do! Everything has led us to this point right now and right now is really fantastic!

This concept has been rolling around in my head and heart for a while now. I really discovered it due to the process of parenting, but have been pondering on it as it relates to life in general.

In parenting I have really found that whatever works today is of the most importance. What was working or what you want to work is mostly irrelevant. In the relationship I have with my wife, this has become our strongest asset as well. Instead of aggressively holding on to our little wants/wishes/needs and butting heads often, we tend to just steer toward whatever works best and most efficiently to make life easy and successful. This is not to say either of us give up on the things we love. We just choose to not make it a bit deal when something other than our personal “ego wishes” works better. Life is too short and precious to waste a bunch of it planting your flag on mountain tops that either turn out to be speed bumps are turn out to be irrelevant. The mountain top next door probably has a bunch of people on it laughing and enjoying a picnic.

RIGHT NOW is the new normal. Allow yesterday to simply be what it was. Adapt, change, and release the need to blame yourself or others for the things that did not go the way you wanted them to or the way you think they should have.

In a related note, when thinking about my parents and my upbringing I have recently come to a great place in my life. Part of this is due to becoming a parent and part of it is due to me just allowing enjoy the present and see things a little more as they truly are and were. It is impossible for any of us to blame things on one person or circumstance. It is easy for sure, but it is not very logical. It makes sense in ego driven logic. “I am this way because that happened.” The awesome revelation that I am finally beginning to really and truly understand is that nothing stands alone as an isolated person or event. My parents were and are who they are because of millions of factors, i.e. who their parents were, where they grew up, neighbors, friends, relatives, money, who they were as a team, etc. The list goes on forever of internal and external factors that make us who we are at any given time. AND who we are is always changing… hopefully. If I listened to myself talking 10 yrs ago what would I think now of that person? My folks loved each other, loved us, and parented in the only ways they were capable of at THAT time in all of our lives. The bottom line for me is that life right here right now, although often tough and financially strapped, is awesome. We are so blessed in the things that surround us. We are healthy, happy, in a great town, great friendships, great parents and family, a happy and healthy munchkin with another on the way.

Learning to view people and circumstances without having to judge them and/or hold things against them has been amazingly liberating as well as allowed me to really enjoy those relationships more at the present. Again, it doesn’t mean that everyone gets a free pass. There is certainly behavior which warrants being dealt with or avoided, but for the most part a little bit of compassion and understanding can help to see folks in a fuller spectrum. It does involve that hard element of taking the ego out of the equation; that whiny inner voice that needs to blame others for your present. That voice that won’t allow yesterday to wash away. The voice that can’t let others be who they are without comparing them to what I want, how I behave, how I think it should be done.

RIGHT NOW is the new normal. What worked yesterday may not work today. What happened yesterday is not happening NOW. Who I or others were yesterday is not who we are NOW. My greatest personal inner hope is that every day in every way I can keep changing to become the best version of myself possible. It will take a lifetime if not longer, but it does make every day a bit easier, every day a bit fuller, and every relationship a bit deeper.

BLOG DISCLAIMER: Often this is my stream of consciousness rambling here. I tend to right as if I were talking to “you”, whoever that may be. In reality I am mostly talking to or about myself when I refer to “you”. I am the last to be “preachy” as I am acutely aware of my own struggles, faults, and failings along my path to “get it right” in this life. -mb